The difference between feeling like you belong somewhere and thinking, “well, I guess I could make it this work” is really night and day.It’s taken me more than once to figure that out and I hold onto that feeling whenever a level of comfort comes over me in a certain atmosphere.
Colorado, my family and my friends in it have been incredibly good to me since I touched down this Tuesday. I’m honestly having more fun than I’ve had in a very, very long time. I am grateful for that.
Looking forward to the coming weeks to see where I’m going to be working next. I see hope for some really interesting possibilities.
As for this thin air, it’s definitely keeping me tired this late at night, so before I fall over, I’m going to go to bed and accept these short paragraphs. Hope everyone’s having an awesome week.
Mornings like the one I had today are the sort that I care not to wake up to. The first thoughts that came to my head before even realizing what time it was were “oh my god, how am I going to go to Colorado while I’m unemployed and have no steady source of income? Shit, maybe I shouldn’t go…” I rolled over and wrapped myself up a few times to try and hide from these feelings which were bombarding me like cranes dive bombing into open waters looking for fish. I went to bed at 2:30 AM and when I woke up feeling dread and horror, I realized it was 8:00 AM.
I thought about trying to go back to bed but the thoughts didn’t really leave my mind, but rather instead of sharp pangs of angst, it settled into a dull dread that I knew wasn’t going to leave me right away.
So I got up, made some breakfast and turned on my laptop and started looking for jobs again.
I’ve been told many times in the past couple weeks that my attitude, a positive one, is going to help me attract new opportunities that I’d be passed over on if I was a sad bastard feeling bad for myself. I can manage this task because I’m a big thinker and my brain goes 8000 rpm’s at any given point in the day. But sometimes my brain goes a little slower, like in the morning when I let my eyes open, I stare at the ceiling and think about the simplest facts about my life and the people and things in it. This is when I’m vulnerable.
A dear friend of mine, a person who’s been there for me through and through during some of the hardest points in my life in the past 6 years has given me a lot of pointers and hopes for myself– some in the immediate term and some hopefully for the future. This person’s been sober for over 20 years and has helped me change my perspectives on addiction, especially with alcohol, greatly. This person told me about how hard mornings can be for a sober person, or someone dealing with a sobering event. Dealing with the hairy nature of life when things are still sort of quiet and still is a challenge that is faced every single day.
But my friend always reminded me at the end of these stories, “as the day goes on, it gets better. It gets better.”
Today it got better and it ended great. I look forward to another battle tomorrow, one that I intend on winning.
