When shit hits the fan in life, and for risk takers it often will, I see the practice of keeping your people up as a tried and true way to keep your sanity, find inspiration and get through the hard times. I’ve heard the phrase “I need to just focus on myself right now” in the past and it kind of makes me sad. I always try to focus on myself and the levels of actual success with that intention vary greatly. However, when I withdraw into myself entirely, the results rarely yield anything but over-chewed thoughts with little to no input from the outside world. Taking action based off ideas that have no relative merit… that’s taking risk in a bad way.
Keeping my people up is something that I like to do. They might call or run into me and ask “how are you? Have you found a job yet? I feel so terrible about what happened.” I give them the briefest run-down of what’s going on possible, maybe bitch a little bit about the circumstances and then I follow up with, “I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me. But, how are you?”
People like to talk about themselves. I know I sure do. You want to make someone feel good? Ask them how they’re doing. If they don’t have a good answer, hit them again with a re-framed question until you can connect with them. This really pisses some people off, but that’s okay because I thrive off of the people who really want to break bread and talk about life. Input and output is a beautiful thing.
Here’s the thing… I don’t have all the answers in life. Some would say I have no basis for the advice I give to people. I even think that sometimes! But, what I really believe in is the fact that my ability to think objectively and apply that thought process to absolutely anything is what makes me fun and interesting to have around (in most, not everyone’s eyes). I get as much out of making connections with others as I do spending time on the solo tip.
Don’t just focus on yourself when times are hard. Look outward, open up, see how you can help other people and I promise you you’ll get back as much as you give out if not more.
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Insightful, honest post, James. Love the optimism. I agree with you about those who say “I need to just focus on myself right now.” I’m unsure if it’s just that different people have different priorities, but I’m like you, I try to always keep an eye on myself.
Been a while since we’ve talked on Twitter, hope all is well.
@Mark! Thanks for the comment and stopping by. It seems like you’ve been quite busy and so have I. I’m really happy you touched base. How are things with you? I’m totally trying to get my head back into the clean tech scene again. Let’s def. link up soon.
I’ve never quite thought about it like this, but I like what you’re saying and I like the phrase: “Keep Your People Up.” Money!
I do need time for myself, but it’s so fulfilling to spend time with inspiring, kind, warm, people (your friends, family, etc.) Little do we know, that we do this quite often. Like, when I was going through a breakup I immediately booked a flight and planned a ‘reunion’ ‘emotionally necessary’ trip with my girlfriends or when I need a pick me up, I will head to a great event with good friends like a concert or something. It’s important to keep your people up, you’re so right
“Some would say I have no basis for the advice I give to people.”
Who cares, if the advice you give is so on-target? Turning a situation inside out like this is a great idea.
Loving this post. I think it’s really true in hard times to do this…and at the same time quite a challenge. Love the post, and keep on truckin’
@Grace, I believe in balance too and I totally become and introvert whether I want to or not at times. What I’m saying is that, being an introvert all the time is bad, especially when you’re dealing with some shit. It was a great idea to go visit your girls post breakup. I did something similar with my friends and it really paid off. Same thing with getting laid off… I took a day to feel bad, 4 days to be sick as hell and then I got right back on the social wagon with the people I care about. Totally helping me focus my time too.. although I’m kinda bad at time management when I’m having fun, so I need to allot some time for applications and freelance work, but besides that I love seeing everyone.
Yeah Brian, you never know what kinds of ideas are gonna pop up when you’re poltiking with folks about a problem. Sometimes you both walk away with answers for yourself!
Thanks Beth.. I love a challenge too, especially with myself. Bring ‘em on. Thanks for commenting!
“Don’t just focus on yourself when times are hard. Look outward, open up, see how you can help other people and I promise you you’ll get back as much as you give out if not more.”
This is something I really need to remember these days — sometimes I get so caught up with what’s going on in my own life, I grow quiet withdraw into myself. That’s my defense mechanism, my way of coping. I tend to forget that I feel at my best when I’m connecting with people, when I’m helping friends. Helping others helps me. It’s perhaps a selfish way of looking at it, but maybe it’s win-win.
Hope everything is going well for you!
I agree, JR, with one caveat – as a natural introvert, sometimes I do need time by myself to recharge. But that need is a lot smaller than I let myself get away with most of the time. And the truth is, we all get a lot of alone time – in the car, in the shower, lying awake in bed – it’s the non-alone time that takes some effort to achieve. Especially for introverts like me
That’s totally true – I believe writing thoughtful blog letter like this counts as an act of opening (probably even more so than cocktail talks) even though we might be stuck with our laptop. I had many social interaction joys in a starbucks on a rainy day. Another advantage of keeping people up with blog – we can talk about the latest opportunities right ahead
@Susan, when you do things out of the goodness of your heart, it doesn’t matter if they benefit you too.. it’s not selfish at all. Do what comes naturally and I think you’ll wind up being good to yourself and others
Thank you so much for the advice last week too. That meant a lot to me!
@Jeffrey, you’re talking to Mr. Introvert too, so I TOTALLY feel you on needing alone time. However, I relish that alone time and then move past it asap, because I know being alone with myself all the time isn’t always best… but it is necessary sometimes.
@Isao, absolutely man. I think we’ll meet IRL someday too. I really hope so, anyways! Definitely keep me up to date on what’s going on with you and what your plans are. I want to know!