Mornings like the one I had today are the sort that I care not to wake up to. The first thoughts that came to my head before even realizing what time it was were “oh my god, how am I going to go to Colorado while I’m unemployed and have no steady source of income? Shit, maybe I shouldn’t go…” I rolled over and wrapped myself up a few times to try and hide from these feelings which were bombarding me like cranes dive bombing into open waters looking for fish. I went to bed at 2:30 AM and when I woke up feeling dread and horror, I realized it was 8:00 AM.
I thought about trying to go back to bed but the thoughts didn’t really leave my mind, but rather instead of sharp pangs of angst, it settled into a dull dread that I knew wasn’t going to leave me right away.
So I got up, made some breakfast and turned on my laptop and started looking for jobs again.
I’ve been told many times in the past couple weeks that my attitude, a positive one, is going to help me attract new opportunities that I’d be passed over on if I was a sad bastard feeling bad for myself. I can manage this task because I’m a big thinker and my brain goes 8000 rpm’s at any given point in the day. But sometimes my brain goes a little slower, like in the morning when I let my eyes open, I stare at the ceiling and think about the simplest facts about my life and the people and things in it. This is when I’m vulnerable.
A dear friend of mine, a person who’s been there for me through and through during some of the hardest points in my life in the past 6 years has given me a lot of pointers and hopes for myself– some in the immediate term and some hopefully for the future. This person’s been sober for over 20 years and has helped me change my perspectives on addiction, especially with alcohol, greatly. This person told me about how hard mornings can be for a sober person, or someone dealing with a sobering event. Dealing with the hairy nature of life when things are still sort of quiet and still is a challenge that is faced every single day.
But my friend always reminded me at the end of these stories, “as the day goes on, it gets better. It gets better.”
Today it got better and it ended great. I look forward to another battle tomorrow, one that I intend on winning.
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
EXCELLENT article. I couldn’t agree more… technically I’m still unemployed and go through those pangs of worry. It’s only natural – but your friends are right – positivity goes a long way, and it’ll all be great in the end. Enjoy CO! I’m jealous
@Jenn, I will enjoy it. I’m looking forward to it. Just needed to get over this hump, ya know?
Keep rocking at your job. I bet you’re gonna kick ass!
I’m not just saying that because I’m facing my second bout of unemployment, but I truly believe, it makes you better. Of course given the choice, we’d all choose to be employed but there is much to be said about the time it gives one to reflect on the choices they’d like to make and just how to position themselves in order to make those choices. Best of luck, I’ll stay posted.
@Karina, thanks for the comment. I really really really believe this is a good thing for me. It’s pressing me to change my habits in some regard and also test my pre-conceived notions of comfort and where I want to be. I totally agree with you on that this makes us better. Best of luck with your job finding situation as well. I will keep you posted. What are you looking to do?
I think I’m experiencing the opposite from you. I wake up feeling marvelous but by the time I’ve managed to get the kids off to school, seen that I have 40 emails to deal with, 8 calls to make and a to do list as long as my arm I start to feel a bit world weary!
I wish I could help you in your job search. Aren’t you already working at Brazen Careerist or is that part-time? I recommend being proactive. Getting out there and contacting people off the bat. So often it’s about being in the right place at the right time but you have to get used to being told no many times until you finally hit someone who says “Well, yeah, we are looking for someone right now…”
You don’t sound as if you need any advice though, it will come with time but that wait can be agony and it’s hard living in limbo.
JR! We were soooo in the same place. Not the same place situation-wise, but that feeling. My last post was on “empty spaces” – and you captured that feeling SO incredibly well. That feeling of not wanting to get out of bed – I love the metaphor of the feelings bombarding you like cranes diving for fish. It can feel suffocating – and then…it passes…eventually. I’m so happy to hear your day got better – it’s reassuring to know that as bad as those moments can be, we do make it out of them alive. And if you can do it with a smile at the end of the day? Even better.
@Annabel, different people definitely deal with things in various ways. I’m a night person and I always do my best work later on.
As far as help on the job search goes, I’ve got my bases covered as much as I can right now, but I ALWAYS appreciate an ear to the ground, you know what I mean?!? Thanks for leaving a comment!
@Jenny, I’ve been so at ease since getting to CO too, it’s ridiculous… I think I just needed that freakout before I got here so that I could really enjoy it. So far, so amazing!
Thanks for the comment too, I’m really glad to know I’m not the only person looking to hide in the morning lol
Smile on!
Perseverance has its rewards JR. Actually, it is what differentiates a successful person from a failure.
When I decided to quit smoking 6 years ago…I had a great plan. Start my excercise routine, so that I wouldn’t gain wait after…Unfortunatly, that didn’t work out, I injured myself to the point of being near crippling…but I quit anyway. I am now so happy I didn’t let myself stick to that plan.
Most recently, I decided I needed to divorce my husband. I was a stay at home mom, who had mostly been out of the working world for nearly 13 years. I knew our financial matters…and I knew there was a good chance one income was not going to take care of two separate households…Every day I searched for jobs…Always knowing that the right job would come to me when I was ready. I didn’t wait to file for my divorce until conditions were right, I kept plugging along.
It is my believe, backed by much support, that things will happen…you just have to be ready you have to be open, and you have to be willing to believe. I applied for jobs, pushing for the ones I thought were great for me…but nothing was happening…no call backs not one thing.
You will be just fine. I believe that…Have faith and keep moving ahead.