Lately I feel like I’ve been tormenting myself. After moving to Boulder, the apartment situation (more like a house) that I landed in that has benefited me greatly due to it’s open ended, contract free terms and cheap rent. The only catch? No dogs allowed! Well, not yet anyways. I fully intend on working the landlord over with persuasion and/or cash bribes, need be.
I’ve had lots of “hurry up and wait” moments in my life. Whether it’s for a job, buying a condo or moving somewhere new, I’m the worst person in the world when it comes to sitting on my hands and being patient. I don’t even like when someone tells me they’ve got a surprise for me because I like to get an idea of the special occasion/gift and let my imagination run wild while I wait to get it. I know planning doesn’t always bring your wildest dreams to fruition, but I’m the type who’d rather have like 70 irons in the fire and know only a few might take shape than to choose to avoid risk all together.
I want a dog, I want to (continue to) do kickass work, I want to travel, I want, I want, I WANT!!! (Get your mental image if me throwing a fit in grown up one-piece pajamas with the footies). I know I will have a dog someday and I’ll probably get most of what I want if I work for it, but it’s a matter of doing what’s right, for the interm and setting myself up to enjoy my prize a little big more down the road…. you know, like starving yourself before a big meal. 
Anticipating a likely response to this post of “wow, you suck at living in the moment” I’ll say that the balance of craving the not-yet-attained and savoring what you already have is something I’m getting better at and have been working on a lot in the past couple of years. I know how lucky I am, right here, right now and I’m extremely grateful for it.
But, I still want a dog.
What do you want? Does putting one foot in front of the other when it comes to life’s choices encourage you or frustrate you?
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh James, I can SO relate! It’s been one of the hardest things about moving. I’ve had many bouts of “okay, I’m ready to have MY life back now!” as I wait for things like close friendships, a professional network, and a comfortable living situation to evolve.
I’m also dealing with trying to pay down lots of debt, and it’s really hard when I get a paycheck to say “I really want that cruiser bike!” or even more basic things, like pants with no holes, and then force myself to instead put the money toward a payment.
I think you hit the nail on the head when you mentioned living in the moment. Whenever I get stressed about having to wait for those other things, I just try to focus on what I already have that is so good in my life, and the other things start feeling less important.
@Nicole, honestly, when I’m hard on my grind, kicking ass and taking names, sometimes I get a little burned out and wish I was back to certain points in my past.
… then I slap myself, flush, hard and with great vigor and realize that life literally has never been better. Making life more simple, while retaining and nurturing the experiences and accomplishments I’ve had seems to be the best option, rather than constantly working to complicate things. Sure, I’ll want to continue acquiring things (like a dog), but I’m trying so hard to not acquire, but actually hone my life. Does that make sense?
It sure aint easy, that’s for sure.
But is the desire for more x, y, and z not useful? Motivating? Productivity yielding? American Dream anyone? Anyone?
I think the major point of departure from healthy, productive citizen, to the crazy, 6 foot toddler (the I-Want Junkie) is the question: Are you happy/fulfilled without—–? If the answer is yes, then keep that desire-yielding party going, Jamie. You very well may find yourself envisioning and therefore literally manifesting your dreams. If not, perhaps you aught to step out of your PJs and repeat the mantra, “I shall not want. I shall not want.”
What I want is a career that I can see myself sticking with and developing into over a period of time. I feel like, at 25 years old and having the experiences I’ve had, I should be on some kind of path. I just hope I find it soon.
Entertaining post, by the way. The image of you kicking and screaming “I want, I want” is very humorous.
@Jodi, I don’t want for much right now. I’ve got the best girlfriend in the world and live in a beautiful city with lots of opportunity. Even the fact that I’m working in a less-than-ideal capacity is allowing me to live flexibly and sustain this lifestyle until I figure out something a little more robust. I just never stop daydreaming. I doubt anything I could dream up would be worth leaving this moment for right now though
@Jake, I’m glad you can find some entertainment from my tantrums haha.
Seriously though, I think you’re probably on a path already and a good one. You’ve got a good work ethic and I think you just need to direct that a little more at some goals and then maybe all that energy you’re putting into being your best self will propel you into something new and interesting. I’m anxious to see what you end up doing!